camrogers: (Default)
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I don't think this can be answered without  some parameters.

If I got to live forever in good health and relative youth, with all my faculties, sure.  Provided I could still end it whenever I felt I'd had enough.  Otherwise, no.  Unpleasant a fact as it is, the ticking clock gives our lives urgency and meaning.  With limitless time we'd actually wind up doing a lot less, across the board, and consequently wind up with lives that were orders of magnitude longer and of far less worth or interest.  To anyone.

I don't know if my answer changes if everyone else doesn't get to be immortal. At the end of the day I'd rather have quality over quantity, and if the few people I loved the most withered and died while I kept going... nah.  Once that happens a few times I'd change fundamentally, and then have to question the worth of sticking around.  Again, parameters give shape, definition, context and meaning to a life.  It's a journey you take with others.  Sitting in a private car by yourself... it's just not any fun.

And if the rest of the world was immortal as well... Jesus no.  Who was it who said most people who long for immortality don't know what to do with a rainy Sunday afternoon?  Most people wouldn't be able to handle it.  The world would become a place I just wouldn't want to live in.  
camrogers: (Default)
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Something Reginald D. Hunter said during his set was that we're all reacting to our childhoods.  I've spent a long time trying to unplug the bullshit growing up in a hick town told me about myself: I'm no good, books are for pussies, can't do anything right, nobody likes you, you're ugly, you're doing it wrong, you're an idiot, that sort of crap. 

They say courage is being scared shitless and going ahead anyway.  So with all that in mind the bravest things I ever did were probably decking the guy who had been terrorising me for a year and a half at high school, or taking a role that required singing a torch song and then getting naked in front of 2000 people (and getting an ovation for it), or learning to enjoy knowing I'm right when as much as an entire town is wrong (and then proving it.) 

It took a long time to get to the point where I could return to someone I'd wronged and bring myself to apologise for it.  Now that's no big deal at all. I know who I am, I own it, and it doesn't hurt my pride to admit my mistakes and learn from them.  I've also been a complete coward.  And I've yet to conquer my fear of karaoke.  Seriously.  That's a huge one.

I've interjected in abusive situations on the street and so far still have all my teeth. 

I guess this trip was a big deal insofar as I took myself someplace alien just as I was more doubt-filled than I'd ever been (and I learned from that and all) and made myself work socially.  I was fully expecting long dark nights of feeling utterly alone and worthless.  Aside from the occasional speedbump that never happened.  So go me, I guess. 

Doing standup was momentarily terrifying, I supose, but I knew I was there with good material and I'd been performing for a few years by that point.  Being up there and vulnerable - whether acting or doing standup or whatever - always had an invigorating sense of "fuck you" to it.  I'm vulnerable, a big target, and they've got the comfort of numbers and anonymity.  Fucking loved it.  It was a metaphor for everything I'd dealt with up to that point.  Made the real meaning of the crap I'd been getting from other people very, very clear and I've never looked back. It liberated me forever.  mostly I've never looked at other people's bullshit the same way since.

I know there were times when I was paralysed with fear. I know there were times when I backed out as a result.  I know there were times when I didn't and it always worked out well.  But I can't remember any of them.  I remember setpieces.  I don't remember the little terror-filled booster shots along the way. 

And right now, frankly, I hope I'm done with growing in that direction.  I'd like to throw everything I've got into in-the-moment and ride that to Doomsday.
camrogers: (Default)
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Two ways to catch a knife.
camrogers: (Default)
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In a heartbeat (ho ho).  Especially if the findings I returned with were indisputable.  I figure they'd either save the world by allowing us to get our priorities right,  or destroy it in some kind of uninhibited fuckrage.

Assuming it's not as two-dimensional as most religions would have us believe.  If it IS then I might be reluctant to confirm the beliefs of one hardline religious belief over another.

But just for myself I'd be fascinated.  As a teenager I saw <i>Flatliners</i> and thought 'If only...'
camrogers: (Default)
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Rats.  Given enough time I think the prime candidate for next alpha lifeform is the rat.  And as for 'lessons' who can tell?  At most they'll have a few relics surviving in the powdered remains of our civilisation.  Not sure there'll be enough to work with - especially as we transfer more and more of our collective learning to electronic media rather than something more resilient.
camrogers: (Default)
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It can be both.  Yes I have, and yes I have lived to regret it - but not always.  I sometimes think not liking someone can, perversely, make falling in love with them more appealing (and powerful) by reflection.  If that makes sense.  A kind of amplified expression or culmination of the desire to be loved completely.  Again, if that makes sense.

Not sure that's healthy, mind, or that it'd make for a long-term relationship that wasn't based in conflict, but people are complex and I believe it's absolutely possible.

EDIT: Weird.  I responded to this over on Stephen Dedman's journal, and it made it an entry in mine.


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March 2012

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